TikiTalks
02-03-2008, 10:48 AM
Yesterday was a rather trying day for me, it seems the closer Shane and I get and the more we plan our wedding the more we fight. I am almost ashamed of some of what we're going through, but I know that speaking about it may help.
I called Anna last night in tears, not knowing whether I was coming or going, whether I should go to my mothers or go home, I was crying, and driving and she calmed me down and got me to look at things logically and think of myself (as vain as it may sound, I rarely think of myself or my own needs, I'm a "giver")
Lately, I've been feeling like I'm the only one "giving" in our relationship and it's been stressing me out, and in turn, stressing the Fids because of my aura.
In the past week, I've completely gone "off the deep end" more than once and just started yelling/nagging trying to get my point across. I even slipped into hebrew (I was raised jewish) to get out some choice phrases!
Last night was a night of decision making. I had to sit down and express how I was feeling. People tell me "you're to good for him" in fact, he said that yesterday. He told me I deserve better. My response? "Well, then be better then you are"
This morning I read the quote in the title and it made me smile "Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." If this quote is thought to be true (and I believe it is after all robert collier was a very wise individual) then this is what I am reading "relationships are the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out"
at this time, Shane and I are still together, we are works in progress. I have expressed to him that he needs to be better than he is, though I accept him for who he is and the mistakes he makes. He has told me he is going to try, and he took the first step today by making a phone call to a pastor for ideas, and places that can help.
I believe the only way to grow as a person is to always strive to be better than you are. ALWAYS. Even if it's wrong, it will soon be corrected. a friend who used to be heavy into drugs told me "relapse is part of recovery." I disagree. Relapse is slipping into that old pair of shoes that may seem comfortable at first but at the end of the day, your feet ache, and smell like shark chum.
Thank you all for listening without getting anymore specifics. This is embarassing for me, as most often Shane and I put on a persona of perfection, and usually it's good. Sometimes it's great. Lately, it's been work.
It's funny but I feel I can talk more freely to each of you than I can to my own mother. I feel safe around you all, and I know I will not be looked down upon for my decisions whatever they may be now and in the future.
Thank you all for that. I want to cry right now. It's such a relief to be able to speak to those I feel care about me and my situations. When I become rich and famous, I'm giving you all a million dollar fid toy allowance! :)
I called Anna last night in tears, not knowing whether I was coming or going, whether I should go to my mothers or go home, I was crying, and driving and she calmed me down and got me to look at things logically and think of myself (as vain as it may sound, I rarely think of myself or my own needs, I'm a "giver")
Lately, I've been feeling like I'm the only one "giving" in our relationship and it's been stressing me out, and in turn, stressing the Fids because of my aura.
In the past week, I've completely gone "off the deep end" more than once and just started yelling/nagging trying to get my point across. I even slipped into hebrew (I was raised jewish) to get out some choice phrases!
Last night was a night of decision making. I had to sit down and express how I was feeling. People tell me "you're to good for him" in fact, he said that yesterday. He told me I deserve better. My response? "Well, then be better then you are"
This morning I read the quote in the title and it made me smile "Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." If this quote is thought to be true (and I believe it is after all robert collier was a very wise individual) then this is what I am reading "relationships are the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out"
at this time, Shane and I are still together, we are works in progress. I have expressed to him that he needs to be better than he is, though I accept him for who he is and the mistakes he makes. He has told me he is going to try, and he took the first step today by making a phone call to a pastor for ideas, and places that can help.
I believe the only way to grow as a person is to always strive to be better than you are. ALWAYS. Even if it's wrong, it will soon be corrected. a friend who used to be heavy into drugs told me "relapse is part of recovery." I disagree. Relapse is slipping into that old pair of shoes that may seem comfortable at first but at the end of the day, your feet ache, and smell like shark chum.
Thank you all for listening without getting anymore specifics. This is embarassing for me, as most often Shane and I put on a persona of perfection, and usually it's good. Sometimes it's great. Lately, it's been work.
It's funny but I feel I can talk more freely to each of you than I can to my own mother. I feel safe around you all, and I know I will not be looked down upon for my decisions whatever they may be now and in the future.
Thank you all for that. I want to cry right now. It's such a relief to be able to speak to those I feel care about me and my situations. When I become rich and famous, I'm giving you all a million dollar fid toy allowance! :)