It's Been A Very Bhodi Couple of Weeks

[FoxersArtist]

I just can't get that guy out of my mind. I know he is done and gone and that is that. Still, I just think of him wherever I go. His song keeps coming on the radio and I just think of his life - the progress he made, the love we built. I go out into the aviary and it is still too quiet without Bhodi. That corner is so empty. I couldn't bare to look at his cage so I sent it to live with one of our foster families. I thought it would help but it didn't. His spirit is still with me and it feels heavy. Maybe I am making it heavy - maybe I just need to let go and don't know how. I know it wasn't my fault - it wasn't even in my home. Still I look at a non-stick pan and I can feel my lungs closing up. I have been getting to know someone long distance who is interested in one of our birds. She sent me a bunch of videos of her birds including a very young, extremely anxious umbrella cockatoo who reminded me so much of Bhodi. I have been helping her to redirect his energy and given her some pointers on how to soothe him before it is too late. I was so awe struck when I saw her cockatoo squating and leaning with his wings pinned to him and I was just waiting to hear the anxious Bhodi scream. But it never came and somehow I was disapointed. I just wanted to hear him one last time.

How can I let go of this precious guy? I wish I was just feeling guilty but i'm not. I'm just hanging on to something deeper - the future I worked so hard to prepare him for, that ended up never existing.
-Anna

[MoluccanZoey]

When I lost my special guy- it took me a LONG time to sort through all the emotions. Mostly it was just grief for a long time, but then all the other issues. Its just been recently that I've finally kind of 'let it go' and stopped obsessing as much over how things would be different. So it might take you a while to sort things out- (like years)- it took me at least that long.
Hmm, that wasn't as encouraging as I meant it to be!

[too&me]

It can help to focus on the good moments and not the finale. He should be happiest now and in the best place ever where we will all meet up eventually. Your need to help him move forward has been thwarted which may be as difficult to deal with as his sudden death. Hugs and focus on what you can do for the others coming to you for help, Gabe and Katie will also help you heal.

[CrystalinNC]

when I lost my three cockatiels, I had a very heavy heart for such a long time. It's almost as if they want you to know how much they miss you...and in return, you feel that same pain. It's heart wrenching, and I know exactly how you feel. There is no describing it, and it's not the same as losing another pet...it's really almost as if they can communicate with you even after they're gone.
It does get better Anna...I promise. And one day, those feelings will turn to happier ones, and you'll feel better.

[Patty, Linus and Co.]

Anna, the pain that I feel over the loss of my daughter's U2 who was technically in my charge still hangs over me to this day. He was not in my home when it happened, what happened was a horrible fluke. It was not my fault but I still cry and experience overwhelming guilt when I think about swwet little Abu. What has gotten me through has been my resolve to be the best mommy to my flock that I can be. Somehow it allows me to atone for a sin that I really never comitted in the first place, but feel the responsibility for. I understand the sense of loss and emptiness and longing for what could have been. You did not fail Bhodi. You brought him the only peace he's ever known.