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View Full Version : My Cooking Days Are Over?!?


FoxersArtist
08-25-2008, 03:05 AM
I certainly hope that this is not the case as I have really been getting into the groove of cooking exotic new dishes, especially the kind that are sweet, doughy, and satisfying. And besides all of that, I was just getting to a point where I felt I had mastered the art of defending my kitchen accessories against the evils of the garbanzo mafia. Unfortunately, I fear that it is true. My world of ingredients has come crashing down, become worthless - layer by layer - like a masterpiece lasagna in the hands of the lover of Mexican cuisine. Ok, forgive me, that was overly dramatic and a bit cheesy, wasn't it? I did try. Ok, ok, let me start over.

When I first realized that I would have to vow to abstain from all gluten containing products for the rest of my life in order to save my life, my future of cooking was in a state of crisis. I had just perfected my skills in cooking every day foods as well as many tasty pastries (if you don't believe me, please see my previous post regarding how to make a pear pie). Admittedly so, I was wildly addicted to candy or any sweet thing and found myself stashing away mounds of goodies so that I had a variety of deserts to choose from after every (single) meal with room for snacking between.

Somehow, I thought that God had graced me with the amazing ability to process the number of calories in any given meal as if each item was the low-fat Atkins menu option. I could order a side salad at my favorite restaurant OR a triple cheese pizza, with 4 different types of pork topping, and 3 lbs of tomato paste, garlic, onion, preservatives, & RED # 40 all heaped onto a deep fat fried crust and served with sugar loaded cinnamon bread sticks and a 64oz soda and the results would be the SAME either way!!! For those who may not know...the red paste found on pizza does not actually contain a REAL tomato ingredient! That's what the RED # 40 dye is for!!! Ok, well - maybe that's not entirely true, but I bet it's at least partially true for some food items. Ingredients should be required to rate for content the way movies do! Rated "E" for Edible or "P" for Poison. Better yet, "P" for Poo - as in, don't eat this, it will surely kill you.

All of this to say, I was rather shocked by the changes my body started to make when I began cooking those healthier gluten free dishes with less fat, less calories, less preservatives & dyes, and less highly processed miscellaneous flours, sugars, and starches that seem to be lurking in everything. If we couldn't pronounce it in a single try, we refused to consume it. I started losing weight along with my bodies tolerance for these inedible items. Was it possible for this already thin girl with the athletic build to lose weight? The very same girl who could not gain an ounce during pregnancy even after scarfing down entire deserts such as brownies, bread pudding and ice cream on a daily basis? Now keep in mind, I did gain some weight here and there over the years and did not lose that weight easily, but this is very typical in adults with my type of build. Either way the weight was minor and seemed to hide itself well both on the scale and on my body.

When I was a kid, I was almost always the top choice among my peers for receiving abuse of all varieties for being the "nerdiest" looking classmate in school. When they were not focused on my visual impairments, one of their secondary targets was directed toward my rear which has always seemed to protrude a little farther than might look natural to a pack of insecure 10-year-olds. This was by all means an unfair topic to tease about, especially since I never considered myself to be large anywhere and was always an active kid. My parents had explained to me that my spine was curved in such a way that it caused my bottom to stick out but it had everything to do with my spine and nothing to do with my weight. I had always looked that way. Now, back to present day, and with all respect to mom and dad's theory, I looked into the mirror several weeks ago after losing a considerable amount of weight and lo-and-behold my spinal deformity was healing! AND to top off that discovery, I had recently noticed while sitting in church that the pews were feeling a bit harder these days. Heck, the sofa was feeling a bit harder. My insta-padding was gone! The secret was officially out today when I took Peggy Sue to a friend for her monthly beak trim. My friend always teases me about my "spinal deformation" or "continental shelf" as she calls it, but today (in shock) she wanted to know where it went and why the world was ending! After all of these years, I have learned something new and amusing about myself. I finally know where all of that childhood candy went!

As is a habit of mine, I have strayed quite a ways off topic here. What I was trying to say is that going gluten free had been a very big shift for us and had changed our eating habits, as well as some other things, in ways we could not have imagined. But what is even more unimaginable is that the changes did not stop there. Shortly after my diagnosis, we learned that Andy was not as healthy as we had previously thought. Dry itchy skin, rashes, acid reflux, bad breath, weight gain, frequent gas, short attention span, forgetfulness, excessive sleepiness at inappropriate moments, moodiness - sorry sweety. I thought these were all pre-requisites for being a man. Was I wrong! These are all things that MANY people suffer from in today’s age and are considered to be such minor ailments that they might as well be normal. At the very least - they did not seem like much to either of us in the wake of all of my own health concerns so many of them had been placed on the back burner (poor guy!) But once Andy went gluten free they ALL improved and I was shocked to learn that I was NOT in fact, married to a gorilla! A major bonus for both of us since Andy had also been convinced that he was some sort of uncivilized primitive creature. I was even more accepting of the role that diet plays in our entire wellbeing after reading one man's story about how his grandfather would become so enraged several hours after eating gluten and corn that he would become homicidal. Further research taught me that his story was far from the only one out there and we have experienced similar rage attacks with our son, Gabe, when he has been "Glutened."

Andy's food allergies seemed to match my own at first and we were really thanking God for creating us with similar special needs, despite the low odds that we might BOTH be Celiac and ended up together. But after several months adjusting to our new diet, Andy's symptoms returned and brought some new, much more sever symptoms along with them. Like me, he had really been clinging to many of the "normal" foods that we had been used to before, like Mountain Dew and Snickers bars but after some begging on my part and an unreasonable amount of time spent in the bathroom on his, Andy was practically crying out for me to restrict his diet. So out went dairy. Things returned to normal for what seemed like only a few minutes, until an even louder voice had the opportunity to cry out. So out went corn – after all, this is the magical food item that could quite possibly be at least partially responsible for our rising crime rates. There will be no corn-induced rage-a-holics in this family if I have anything to say about it! HA! The bathroom visits only increased and even though I had been going through these same issues right before my own diagnosis, I felt horribly sorry for my sweet, suffering husband (and a little bit guilty for getting him tangled up in this whole food allergy mess when his digestive system seemed to be working at least reasonably fine before.)

In desperation I quickly removed all traces of soy, many other grains, nightshade veggies like peppers, tomato, and eggplant, any remaining thing with preservatives or dyes, and after much stubborn clinging from both Andy and I - rice and nuts. (This final realization came, of course, right after I had made Andy a delicious rice noodle dish that tasted like a mild curry and looked like someone had dumped an entire bottle of yellow food coloring into it - it was beautiful. I am forever awed by the flaming yellow power of Turmeric.) To say the least, the bathroom torture finally stopped after about a week of eating nothing but meats, eggs, fruits, and veggies and as a bonus, Andy started shedding pounds that may have matched the tears we were shedding over our lost love of these food items.

And so, this brings us to the present. Andy says we are living like the cave people of our past and that it feels refreshing to eat such a simple diet. I have survived, if only by clinging to my evil garbanzo flour, because after all, a bean is vegetable enough to fit into this crazy diet, right? I made garbanzo pancakes several mornings ago because I was motivated with the fear that I might forget all together what bread felt and tasted like in my mouth. Andy was delighted (and it did settle with his tummy) but he insisted that this was something he only wanted to eat every once in a while.

To be continued...

FoxersArtist
08-25-2008, 03:06 AM
Food is such an enjoyable thing for me, and as a wife and mother, cooking a good meal is a big ego stroke in my daily existence. The question that has been ever present in my mind is this: What will I cook now? When I went to the store last Thursday I tried to buy a variety of meats to make things less boring - chicken, beef (steak, steak, and steak), lamb, pork, fish, squid, and even (against the better judgment that tells me never to eat this for ethical purposes) veal. I DID pan sear that veal, though as I ate it, all I could think of was a poor, crippled baby cow, doomed to die so that I could have variety in my meaty diet. I have not yet decided whether I will buy it again or not.

So, are my cooking days over? How will I create new and exciting dishes from these 4 ingredients? I made a custard the other day from applesauce, egg, agave nectar and a few other items which I cannot currently recall because once again, I failed to write them down. That brought a small ray of light into this pre-historic cave dwelling which has become my kitchen (but with failing to write anything down, those things quickly escape my memory). But even still, how many ways can you cook meat, fruits, and veggies? Will we ever become brave enough to add some of those old things back into our lives again? Andy tried a dressing the other night which contained buttermilk but quickly suffered it's wrath and nearly had a meltdown when he realized that Wal*Mart's bathroom was closed for maintenance. I have a sneaking suspicion that Andy is allergic to cow dairy...and soy...and corn is on my questionable list too, but probably only because of it's newly discovered power over the human brain - which is strange since I have always been very fond of the sweet crunchy stuff and my husband has never been the raging type. I am praying that rice and sorghum will be able to return after their probationary period has ended (it seems to me that the sorghum should be the innocent one here, what with the garbanzo flour being the ever present trouble-maker.) I would bet money that soy has been a long time partner in crime with those gluten particles and am not surprised since soy seems to be more prominent in America's food items than gluten AND dairy. The next time you are eating something, look at the ingredients list if you feel brave enough. Feel shocked if your food item does not contain "Soy Lecithin - an emulsifier."

So here we are - living off the land, or at least, that's how I feel. We are certainly not living out of a bag of Cheetoes and the Fruity Pebbles made me sick even if they are gluten free. I must contain my urges to sell our property so that we can move out into the country where we will farm cows, chickens, goats, pigs, donkeys, 14+ parrots, chinchillas, a pack of great Pyrenees dogs, jackalopes, rats, horned-toads, some barn cats, and a crop of non-offensive vegetables. (All of this while paying homage to Cloud's fleet of UFO's that would draw us crop circles if we did not surrender a cow or a goat or a high grade stainless steal farmers rake here and there.) At the same time, I could not kill a chicken let alone a cow and I am desperately struggling to keep my rose bushes alive in our current front yard. It looks as if those jackalopes will remain wild and unfarmed. My conscience argues that the veal is also safe for now, but my kitchen is becoming lonely and desperate for a little creativity. The bathroom argues that it is feeling used and compensation, if not only a good cleaning, is due...

...And as you can plainly tell, I am just going a little crazy with all of these changes. :haha:
-Anna

Chrissy and Flock
08-25-2008, 09:39 AM
Anna I love your posts about cooking .... I am sure that you will find a way to be very creative with the foods you can safely eat.... Oh and I thought being crazy was a prerequisite for being a member of HappyBirdy ... just kidding Larry.

birdie
08-25-2008, 10:33 AM
I find that some foods taste better plain, but you're right, it does get boring cooking the same few things. You're creative, you'll come up with some way to liven things up.

Anne-Samantha's Mom
08-25-2008, 11:45 AM
lol lol Anna..your posts make me realize how very funny and creative you are

Julie
08-25-2008, 12:25 PM
Anna,

If you can come up with such a fun, entertaining, creative way of telling us your life stories, and how much we all enjoy them, there is no doubt that you will find a way of "spicing" up your food life....

Can you have onions, jalapeno's, cilantro? One of my secret favorite dishes is to make a good grilled steak, and cover it with peach or nectarine salsa. I like the nectarine better because I'm a fan of the tart strong flavor, but for those with a sweet tooth the peach is the way to go! I'm sure there are many more ideas out there waiting to be discovered and created. Just give things a little more time and you'll be back into the exotics again!!!